“Self-care” – has arguably become one of the most diluted terms in mental health today. Exploited by self-help gurus as capitalistic fodder, it is served up repeatedly as another area of life that women must master.  If we practice self-care “efficiently,” it holds the promise of a life of fulfillment and happiness. Touted as a magic bullet, we have received the message loud and clear: we should enjoy self-care, and if we do it consistently, we will be relieved of the stress and anxiety that is inherent to womanhood.

Everything just feels harder on your period: preparing meals, being productive, staying focused…life in general. Getting started is hard enough, but switching tasks feels nearly impossible. You’re forgetting even more than usual, and overall, you feel like a massive, irritable, inept mess.

But after a few days, things begin to settle. Within a week, you’ve practically forgotten about the hormonal hurricane. You’re back in action—focused, energized, organized. Until… PMS creeps back in. The mood swings, the bloating, the emotional overload—and with them, a magnified wave of ADHD symptoms.

Ever feel like your to-do list is never-ending—and if you don’t do it, no one will? Or maybe you’ve felt the heavy weight of mom guilt, wondering, “If I don’t play long enough with my child today, will they still feel loved?”

You’re not alone.

Feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to “do it all” is incredibly common among moms—especially when societal expectations, internal pressure, and lack of support collide.

As a therapist who specializes in working with adult women with ADHD, I can attest that in most cases, it is a late diagnosis. That means that inherently, in each case, there was not just a missed diagnosis but also one or even several misdiagnoses along the way.

Today I want to share why I was 38 years old before I learned that what I thought were my character flaws were ADHD and how I learned to accept and embrace that……….and why it is such a damn long process of undoing.

As humans we love a good label.  They allow us to quickly make a determination about something and move on.  We can conserve precious time and energy with an effective label.  A proper label helps us to understand and, in some cases, even helps to keep us safe.  But what happens when there is a poorly named diagnosis for an already misunderstood condition?  

A label, in the case of ADHD, leads to what we see and experience every day – perpetuating a stereotype and preserving lack of knowledge.